Despoil the enemy and disappoint your friends and family with a tropical cocktail based around a jar of piss: Jar-ate from Team Fortress 2.
- 3/4 oz elderflower liqueur
- 1 oz gin
- 1/2 oz lemon juice
- 1/2 oz pineapple juice
Add all ingredients to a shaker filled with ice. Shake vigorously until chilled. Strain into a mason jar. Serve (by throwing at your closest Spy).
“Crikey. Guess all that coffee ain’t doing much for my hydration levels…” – Sniper, upon inspecting his freshly-brewed Jar-ate.
First things first: Jar-ate, a secondary weapon for the Sniper in Team Fortress 2, is piss. I know it’s piss. You know it’s piss. So let’s just get the whole “why did you make a cocktail named after a mason jar of piss” thing out of the way:
I did it for the same reason I make any of these cocktails—because I’m a little odd and I felt like it.
It’s also an iconic item from Team Fortress, and I feel like it represents the game’s core gameplay traits: cartoonishly silly, but also violently abhorrent. I mean, this is a game that has rocketjump as a legitimate ability, but where those same rockets will gib an enemy into little bloody bits. Silly. But still pretty gross.
That weird dichotomy is where I drew my inspiration from with this drink. After you make this, you’ll be unpleasantly surprised by the fact that yes, it does look a little like effluent; a fact that the mandatory use of a mason jar for serving does nothing to help.
But once you get over that and give it a sip, you’ll be pleasantly surprised by the bright tropical flavours of the pineapple, subtly undercut by the floral notes of the gin and the elderflower.
I don’t really have any other drinks based on piss, unsurprisingly, but you could check out this other gin/elderflower drink inspired by Clementine from Telltale’s The Walking Dead: The Not-So-Sweetpea.
Yeah, it looks gross, but it tastes good, and that’s kind of the point: Team Fortress 2, despite being more than decade old now (God I feel old) and showing its age, still holds a great deal of popularity. It’s gross and weird and cartoonish and silly, but it’s also funny and well-designed and thoroughly, thoroughly fun—that last bit potentially because of the gross weird silliness.
And so it is with this cocktail. It’s based on a weapon made from an Australian Sniper’s piss—but damn if it doesn’t taste pretty good.
TIP: Like most of my gin cocktails, I used a London Dry gin for this—don’t use anything too fancy, Gordon’s will do, as the gin isn’t a predominant flavour. St Germain is great for the elderflower, and just storebought pineapple juice: just make sure it isn’t too pulpy.
Keep up to date with all the latest Experience Bar drinks (including some exclusive content!) by following me on Instagram, or subscribe to the Fictional Vittles subreddit for more great content from our friends. See you there!